Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

100% Inappropriate. 100% Sexist. 100% Rude. 50% Funny. 1. Why did God create woman? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. 2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow 3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Call her. 4. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care. 5. What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her. 6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant. 7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]hole weak. 8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? None, let the bitch cook in the dark. 9. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E? One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem. 10. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. 11. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already. 12. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in. 13. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long. 14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it! 15. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. 16. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman 17. Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot. 18. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. 19. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. 20. How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house. 21. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job. 22. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party while a bitch sleeps with everyoneveryone at the party except you. 23. What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years the job still sucks. 24. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling. 25. Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist"? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there. 26. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went. 27. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. 28. Why did the woman cross the road? What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?! 29. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? 'cause it doesn't need cleaning yet. 30. How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick Edit: Corrected numbering. To the haters, what were you expecting when you clicked on that title? Seriously.

100 kisses A miser wrote a letter to his wife saying that he can’t send her money this month, so he sends hundred kisses instead. She replied a month later saying: “Thanks for the kisses, dear, because they helped me a lot. Here’s how I spent them: 2 kisses for the milkman, 7 for the grocer, the landlord comes everyday and takes a kiss or two, the butcher and the greengrocer weren't satisfied by the kisses and so I gave them other material, and gave the doorman and the plumber about 40 kisses. I still have 35, and I hope it will last me for the month. I will follow this way for the next months, because it solved many problems for me. Regards, your loving wife”.

100 Lumberjacks walk into a Pirate bar... The Pirate bartender looks at them and says; **Well shiver me timbers!!**

100m Dash A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash" Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?" "No, with 8 black men and a gun."

100 Nuns At a convent, the head priest calls all of the one hundred nuns to a sermon. During the sermon he pauses, and shares some important news. "Last night," he begins. "There was a condom found on the grounds" 99 nuns say "oh!", and one says "teehee" "As you can probably guess," the pastor continues. "There was semen found in the condom" 99 nuns say "oh!", and one says "teehee" The pastor goes on, despite the crowd. "However, there was a tear in the tip of the condom" 99 nuns say "teehee", and one says "oh"

100 penises walk into a bar Bartender looks at them and says *"You gotta lotta balls coming in here"*

100 year old communism joke A nobleman had a servant who was violently opposed to capitalism and devoted most of his free time attending meetings where communistic theories were expounded and applauded. The nobleman was tolerant because the servant was so diligent in the performance of his duties. Suddenly the servant stopped going to the communist meetings and after several weeks the nobleman became curious and asked the reason. "At the last meeting I attended," said the servant, "it was proved that if all the wealth in the country were divided equally among all the people, the share of each person would be two thousand francs." "So what?" asked the nobleman "Well I have five thousand francs...."

A 100 year old man sits on the edge of his bed on the day of his 100th birthday. He looks down at his feet and says "well feet, you're 100 years old today!" He then looks at his hands and says, "well hands, you are 100 years old today." He goes into the bathroom, looks in the mirror, and says, "well face, you are 100 years old today." He then goes over to the toilet to relieve himself, and looks down at his penis and says, "Well old buddy, if you would have made it, you would have been 100 years old today!"

100 years ago, 19 white men chasing down a black man was called the Klu Klux Klan Now it's called Formula 1 *Ku Kluk Klan