1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?A. '66 Ford Fairlane B. '69 Chevrolet Chevelle C. '64 Pontiac GTO 3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of 'shine per hour, how many radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 trees per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14". How many Budweiser tall-boys will it take to cut the trees? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine at 24 inches on center with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1" thick rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns an Arkansas house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land? 8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields? 9. A coal mine operates an NFPA class 1, division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? 10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

1. Only in Canada......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in Canada......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in Canada......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in Canada.....do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in Canada......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in Canada......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in Canada......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in Canada......do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in Canada.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in Canada......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.The blondes applauded.

2 New Zealanders board a QANTAS flight. Later on an Aussie comes along and sits next to them and kicks off his shoes. The New Zealander closest to the window says "I might have a coke," and the Aussie says " No trubs mate." While the Aussies away the New Zealander spits in his shoe. When the Aussie comes back, the other New Zealander says " I might have a coke too." So the Aussie goes " Alright," and walks off to get him a coke. While he's away the New Zealander spits in the other shoe. When the plane lands the Aussie puts on his shoes and knows exactly what has happened and says " How long does this rivalry have to go on. Spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes!"

3 men were walking home to there house one summer. They all lived right next to each other. All 3 of them had a large swimming pool. They were just getting ready to dive into the pool, when a genie popped out in front of them."It's your lucky day!" said the genie. "Just jump and say whatever drink you want, and the pool water will turn into it."The first man jumped and said "Budweiser!" and he jumped into a pool of Budweiser.The second man jumped and said "Coke!" and he jumped into a pool of Coke.The third man jumped and said... "Weeeeeeeee!!"

A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods. The bear looked over to the rabbit and asked: "Mr. Rabbit, do you ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"The rabbit replied: "Why no, Mr. Bear, I most certainly do not."So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, 'Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class I'm afraid you'll have to move.' The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model.' Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant. The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, 'I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back.' The blonde replies, sweetly, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model' -- and shows no signs of moving. Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class. Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment. Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, 'Captain, I'm impressed ... what did you say to her?' The captain grinned slyly and said, 'I just told her that the first class cabin doesn't go to New York.'

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentleman, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work.So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out?"Did your tomatoes turn red?" "No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous!"

A biologist, a psychologist, and a mathematician were sitting in a bar drinking coffee.Across the street, they watch as 2 people walk into the house, and then 3 people come out."They must have reproduced!" cries the biologist."It can't be physically done!" cries the psychologist."You guys are both wrong" says the mathematician. "Now there are negative one person in the house.

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong.He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot.The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower."Help! Help!"The tower came back and asked what was wrong.The blind guy says, "Help Me!!I'm blind, the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!!"The tower comes back and asks, "How do you know you're upside down?" The blind guy replies, "Because my pee is running *up* my back!"