10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures. 9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games. 8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture. 7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up. 6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.' 5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning. 4. Prefers NPR to any music. 3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about. 2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game. 1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.

According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch money

From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children: There is no such thing as childproofing your house. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room. Baseballs make marks on ceilings. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke--lots of it. A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a man says it can only be done in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq ft house almost 4 inches deep. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old. Duplos will not. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence. Super Glue is forever. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. So can Tarzan. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. You probably don't want to know what that odor is. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.

1. During recess time, I like skipping rope. When I skip I shout a rhyme, And jump with all my hope. 2. I didn't study for the test even though I should've. I was playing PS2 and I would've, so I copied off of yours, I got them all wrong, so now I sing this song. (sing over and over this is an endless song.) 3. Some gum chum? It's watermelon, although I chewed it some, and it is jerybellum. (jerybellum - bubble gum co.)

Billy: i know a person who is 35 and still in 4th grade! Eddie: Really! who? Billy: My teacher!

One night, a little boy and his father were having a conversation. The father asked the boy, "Can you say your ABC's, son?" "Yes I can! A...B..C..." and he goes through the whole alphebet. The father then said, "That's good, but can you say it backwords?" The boy smiles and says, "yeah", so he turns around and says, "A...B...C..."

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards, so you should tip me." "Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight."

A dad to his son: If someone calls for me, tell him that I'm out. The son: And if he doesn't call?

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping in his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand -- to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The Lamaze instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."