A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied bytwo female teachers went on a field trip to the localracetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and thesupporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to thetoilet so it was decided that the girls would go with oneteacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men'stoilet, one of the boys came out and told her that hecouldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher wentinside and began hoisting the little boys up by theirarmpits, one by one. As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help butnotice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementaryschool child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding SilverArrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

When I was younger my father always told me to be more lady like and civil. I decided to teach him a lesson. When we arrived at his mothers house there were donuts on the table. We sat around and talked(and munched) I soon got up to excuse myself saying "I have to pee." Dad reminded me that there was a better way to put that. "I'm sorry" I said "I have to powder my nose like a racehorse."

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter". The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and says, "I'll demonstrate it for you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would." Then he goes to his sister's room and asks, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two tramps."

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was."It's a period,'' said the little boy."Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away," the boy said. He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!" "Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him."

Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is....Then the teacher said, "No Wendy, it is I am." So Wendy said, "I am the ninth letter if the alphabet."

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father: "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father says: "They are Making a puppy". So they walk on and go home.A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says: "Daddy, what are you doing?" The father replies: "Making a baby". The little boy says: "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!"

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!"