Can women put mascara on with their mouth closed?

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

Women like silent men - they think they're listening.

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

Never buy a toothbrush at a yard sale. Never buy a parachute that was used once and never opened before. Never sell computers for free at your garage sale. Trust me, there are many more ways to demolish your house. Never put bathroom humor up on the internet. Never watch American Idol auditions with Coke in your mouth. Never watch American Idol auditions without a couple of aspirins. And never, ever catch your grandparents taking a shower. All of these words of advice were found out by first-hand experience.If you want to meet the guy brave enough to try all of these "stunts" out, go to the Almont Graveyard in Stamfort, Michigan and visit the grave entitled:"Dave 'Daredevil' Deatson". Or visit his grandparents in jail on Alcatraz Prison, California.

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it. If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your ass will get soaking wet. The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai. Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.. Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

My dad has always told me that putting in a little effort and dedication on the job never hurt anyone. Then again, he never heard of worker's comp.

First click the Community button. Then click the Public Fourum button. The first forum is for writing jokes. Discuss how to write funny jokes here.

This was a Typo from Jack-in-the-Box 1. Come in for our new Chihuahua (Chibatta, Don't ask.)Sandwich. 2. Newspaper Look ravished (ravishing) for your big day. 3. Church Newsletter Come tonight to see famous missionary Bobby Belch. Come hear Bobby Belch from Africa. 4. Sunday School Lesson: Jesus Walks on Water Tonight's Lesson: Finding Jesus 5. Tonight's Sermon: "What is Hell?" Come early to listen to our choir perform.

1. On a mall child's cart bag Do not put child in bag (Who does?) 2. On food court restaurant counters Warning: Touching hot surfaces may burn you (Wanna try?) 3a. Bush on war in Iraq "We're not going to have any casualties." (Where are we now, huh?) 3b. Bush's description of the White House "It is white." (WOW! Who knew???) 3c. Our future "The future will look better tommorow." (That settles it, we're all gonna die.)