She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

A brunette said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? The older you get, the better you realize you were. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? If Denny's is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

A calendar – something that goes in one year and out the other.

What did the cat say to the elephant? "......................meOW!"

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Throwing acid is wrong - in some people's eyes

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna. - Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines. - Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. - All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants. - Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue. - Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco. - A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. - Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing. - Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. - A harp is a nude piano. - Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better not try to sing. - I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say. - My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music. - Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. - Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.