How does a blond turn the light on after sex? ANSWER: She opens the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: She was afraid she might get hearing aids.

The blond asked for peanuts on the plane, but she once she got them, she gave them back to the stewardess and asks her to check if there really are peanuts in the bag. The stewardess asks why, to which the blond responds: "The bag says 'May Contain Nuts'"

A blonde was out shopping in Lousiana when she saw a beautiful pair of shoes made from genuine alligator skin. She goes into the store and asks the price. The shopkeeper says, "$1000" The blonde not having that kind of money tried to haggle with the store's owner, until the owner finally got fed up and threw her out of his store. The blonde furious yells at the store owner, "FINE! KEEP YOUR DAMN SHOES! I'LL GO HUNT MY OWN ALLIGATOR AND THEN GET MY OWN SHOES FOR A FAIR PRICE!!!!" Driving home the store owner sees the blonde in a local swamp, up to her waist in the muddy waters holding a double-barrel shotgun. Just then he sees the blonde take aim at a nearby alligator taking a nap and shoots it straight in the gut. With great effort he watches her drag the alligator to the shore, where to his suprise, a half dozen more alligators all lay dead. He then sees the blonde flip the alligator over onto his back. Then watching, he sees the blondes face turn a deep red and hears her yell, "DAMMIT! THIS ALLIGATOR ISNT WEARING ANY SHOES EITHER!"

Blond: Daddy! I know my alphabet! Dad: That took you 5 yaars! Blond: I know, but now I know my ABD's!

A blond and a red-head were planning to go to an amusement park. When they got to the park the blond asks, "who will pay, You or me?". So the red-head says, "I'll tell you what, you'll pay for entrance, and I'll pay for all the rides." (The rides don't cost anything at all!)

One evening, on her first date, a blond went to an amusement park with her boyfriend. After they went on the roundabout, the boy said, "What do you want to do next?" The girl said, "I want to be weighed." So he weighed the blond on a guess the weight game. Then they went on the roller coaster, and afterwards the boy said, "What do you want to do next?" The girl said, "I want to be weighed." So he weighed the blond again, and she weighed the same, so he took her home. When she got home, she flumped on the couch and her mother said, "How was the date?" The blond said, "Weewy Weewy Wousy."

Why didn't the blonde go on the amusement park ride? Because he was too tall.

An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress," she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde. "I just got this amazing watch," he tells her, "it can reads alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking." "What does it say about me?" asked the blonde. "It says you want to sleep with me," said the man. "Sorry," said the blonde, "I think your watch is broken." "Hmmm," said the man, slowly examining the watch, "It seems to be running an hour fast..."