A worried Father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship."I'll say he is Daddy." responded the girl."Just last nite he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves and if you two are easy to get along with."

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it" A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

A young boy went up to his father and asked, "What is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father pondered for a while, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Also, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you have learned." So the boy went to his mother and asked, Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied "Of course I would. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that." The boy then went to his sister and said, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" His sister replied, "Oh gosh!! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!!". The boy then thought about it for two or three days and went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potential and realism?" The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we're sitting on two million dollars, but realistically we're living with two slappers."

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him."Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.""I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?""Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ?It would make me feel so much better.""Sure," answered the young man.As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50."How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!""Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

A young virgin marries a Greek man and before the wedding her father tells her that, being Greek, her husband may ask her to turn the other way in bed one day, but the she doesn't have to do it if she doesn't want to. Sure enough, after a couple of months, her husband asks her to turn over and she says "No, my father said I don't have to do this." Her husband says OK, that's fine by me, but I thought you wanted children.

Bill Clinton falls into a lake and cannot swim and three boys rescue him. Bill tells them "I'll give you anything you want for saving my life".So Bill asks the first boy what he wants and the first boy says he wants a Ferrari. Bill says fine.Bill asks the second boy what he wants and the second boy says he wants a brand new computer. Bill says okay.Then Bill asks the third boy what he wants. The third boy says he wants a motorized wheelchair. Bill asks "Why do want a wheelchair, you look very healthy?" The third boy says "I'll need a wheelchair when my father finds out we saved you from drowning".

Bill Gates recently got married. After the wedding, Bill and his new wife got back to their honeymoon suite and later, of course, they crashed into bed. Apparently things didn't work out pretty well for Bill that night, and the next morning his new wife got up, pointed at the embarrassed Bill Gates and rather annoyed she said: "Now I know why your company is called what it's called!"

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the clerk replied."That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

During the Cold War many years ago, a young man would ride his bicycle every day from Italy up to the check-point at the Yugoslav border where he would be questioned by the uniformed border-guard."Where are you going today, Capitalist Scumbag?" asked the guard."To visit my mother, Sir.""Step inside. You will be searched" ordered the guard.The young man was thoroughly searched and released, but the guard remained suspicious.This routine was repeated every day for several years but the border guard, still convinced that the man was a smuggler, could find nothing.Eventually, with the end of the Cold War, the border was opened and the young man would occasionally stop in a tavern on the Yugoslav side.One afternoon, as he sat at the bar, the old border-guard came over and sat down beside him."The War is over now", said the guard "and I am retired, but I still have nightmares about you. You really were a smuggler, weren't you.""Yes, of course" replied the young man."But what were you smuggling?"The young man swallowed a mouthful of beer and smiled. "Bicycles" he replied.

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace." The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?" So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!"