Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb? A: No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it. A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen in on the guest list.

Q: How long will it take for a field service engineer to change a light bulb? A: That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them.

Q: How long will it take for a field service engineer to change two dead bulbs? A: They replace your fuse box.

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many a-holes does it take to change a light bulb? A: None; a-holes never see the light anyway.

Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb? A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.

Q: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: All of them.

Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. There's a primitive for that.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb? A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only). A: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session. A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.