Q: How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs. Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb? A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.

Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional amendment. A: Only one. If he can handle 250,000,000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra light bulb.

Q: How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb? A: Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000

Q: How many WASP Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to get a Tab and one to call Daddy.

Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@ HOUSE!

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: A tree in a golden forest. A: Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it. A: One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb. A:None. Zen masters carry their own light.

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.