There were 3 men who wanted to buy toilets, so they went to the nearest store and were looking at the new designs of the toilets. The first guy asks for a toilet that would go nice in his log cabin out in the woods, so the salesman sells him a toilet made of wood. The second guy asks for a toilet that would be nice for an igloo, so the salesman sells him a toilet made of ice. The third guy asked for the nicest toilet they have that would go in the National History of Canada Museums employee restroom, so the salesman sells him a singing toilet with a picture of the Canadian flag on the tank. Well, they all get what they asked for. The next day all 3 men come back with their toilets. The first man says, "This toilet sucks. Whenever I try to use it, I get pieces of wood stuck in my butt." The second man says, "This toilet sucks. Whenever I try to use it my butt gets frozen to the seat and I have to use a hairdryer to get my butt off." The third man says, "This toilet is too patriotic. Whenever I want to use the toilet, I sit down and the toilet plays 'O Canada, and I have to stand up'."

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg Plan.

In a 4 story building there lived 4 people: On the 1st floor lived a cop On the 2nd floor lived a thief On the 3rd floor lived a blind man On the 4th floor lived a very clean woman that took alot of showers. One day the woman on the 4th floor got into the shower. She heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" she asked, "It's the cop". So the woman pur her robe on and went to open the door. "Wish me Mazel Tov!" said the cop. The woman asked him why, and he said: "Because I caught all the thiefs except one!". She says Mazel Tov and goes back to the shower. She heard another knock on the door. "Who is it?" she asked, "It's the thief". So the woman pur her robe on and went to open the door. "Wish me Mazel Tov!" said the thief. The woman asked him why, and he said: "Because the cop caught all the thiefs exept me!". She says Mazel Tov and goes back to the shower. Another knock was heard, so she asked "Who is it" and the voice said "It's the blind guy", so she decides not to put on the robe and opens the door. The blind guy says "Wish me Mazel Tov!" and she asks "Why?" so he says: "Because I CAN SEE!"

Q: What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree, can kill you? A: A pool table.

4 = 2+2

Why couldn't G-Unit take the bus? They only had 50 cent!

1) pretendyoudontknowwhatthespacebaris 2) no caps or puncuation at all seriously it really annoys people 3) Abb. or shorten evry othr wrd it wrks rly wel 4) UsE cApS oN aNd OfF lIkE tHiS 5) 1337 5) maik rly stoopid spelng mistaiks liek dis 6) Waste peoples' time. 7) Feing lost of tyops (Feign lots of typos) 8) TYPE IN ALL CAPS IT ANNOYS PEOPLE 9) N vwls. (No vowls.) 10) Capitalize Every Word Lots Of People Do It And It Really Works 11) 1337. s3R10u5|Y. D0 u N0 |-|0\/\/ mUc|-| 17 4N0y5 pp| 1F u U53 17 1n c0njUnC710N \/\// c|-|475p33K? (Leet. Seriously. Do you know how much it annoys people if you use it in conjunction with chatspeak?) 12) Act like a 3 year old. 13) Call everyone "Honey" or "Dear" as in, "Sorry, dear, but we can't do anything about it." or "Don't worry, Hun, it won't help to do that" 14) Ask a whole bunch of questions and don't answer any. 15) Subsitute a hole lot of stuff liek 2=to, two, too or 4=for. Use your imagination. 16) Srcmbale up all yuor wrods but keep the frist and lsat the smae. D'not wrory, ppeole can raed it. 18) Leav of leters likk dis 19) Try to mimic an accent. Hard, but it makes your posts hard to read. 20) Try to start a debate. 21) Get two accounts and pretend to be two different people. 22) Using your two accounts, try to debate with yourself. 23) Try to debate with yourself using only one account. 24) Use a whole lot of equations to try and explain yourself. 25) Insult people. 26) Say "You know?" or "y'know?" or "You know what I mean?" a whole lot. 27) Be reduncdant. Really reducdant. 28) Repeat yourself. 29) Repeat yourself. 30) Use that second account to repeat yourself. 31) Use that second account to stalk yourself. 32) Brag about things you obviously don't have. 33) Brag about things other people have and you don't. Act as if that's a good thing. 34) Seriously, use #11. It wastes people's time, and 35) Keep refering back to stuff you said before and make people scroll up a whole lot to find them. 36) Ha! Did I trick ya? Did you scroll up? 37) Use a whole lot of smilies. Like :P :) :D xD xP :/ ={ =C =) =( =P 38) Make up false equations. Like Me + U = Pfft. 39) Make bodily function noises. I.E. - Burp, fart, snore, sneeze, cough. 40) Put together a whole lot of the ones on this list. 41) Numbers 1 and 2 go together well. 42) When typing a list like this, put in a whole bunch of pointless fluff. 43) Abb. things that aren't usually abb'ed (usually = usuly) 44) Numbers 3 and 5 gp well too. 45) Did you fall for either of those two? 46) Dang. 47) Leave out numbers in lists. Point it out 20 numbers later. I.E. I left out #17 48) Keep putting in stuff that's totally unrelated. 49) Like so. 50) Put in lots of examples. Especially if you're teaching someone to be annoying online. It annoys your readers, and that's the first step!! =3

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone new every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar. 21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying. 22) Using non-existent words like George Bush would. 23) Change what you repeat again. 24) Speak in rapid Spanish. 25) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space. 26) When doing number 25, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally. 27) Change what you repeat again. 28) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so. 29) Rudely correct everybody's grammar. 30) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them. 31) Pretend to be drunk. 32) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator. 33) Change what you repeat again. 34) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else. 35) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys. 36) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth. 37) Change what you repeat again. 38) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak. 39) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable. 40) Pretend to be high. 41) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 42) Change what you repeat again. 43) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that. 44) Speak in Gaelic. 45) Blink rapidly and constantly. 46) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where. 47) Strut. 48) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it. 49) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it. 50) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver." 51) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.

1. Thinly smear a layer of white shaving cream on a white toilet seat and wait for the next poor sap to sit down. 2. Get some poppers (the little white paper balls with the flint in them) and place them under the pegs of a toilet seat. When the next person sits down, the loud BANG will scare the shit out of them. 3. Take some liquid hand soap and mix it with water, then, dab your finger in the liquid and write something on the mirror. Once dried, the soap should be nearly invisible. The next time someone takes a shower and fogs up the mirror, the writing will appear. 4. If you have a shower head that screws off, this prank can be priceless. Unscrew the head an carefully pour red kool-aid (oh yeah!) into the shower head, then screw it back on. The next time someone takes a shower, the water will run blood red. 5. If you have access to itching powder, pour some on the seat or on the toilet paper. If you have no itching powder, mix shaved stubble with a small amount of shaving cream and dab it on the seat.

5 = diagonals of a pentagon.