A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'

As of 11-23-09, my score was 1337. How the hell that happened beats me. I thought I was a crappy joke writer. This is boring isn't it? Thought so. At least it's not a dupe. Or is it... Nope, it's not. Boring as hell, right? Thought so.

15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas ------------------------------------------ (I actually did all of these) 1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start. (I met lots of new people this way) 2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.) 3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!") 4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.) 5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?" (You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused also.) 6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a monkey. (It works with any animal.) 7. Put water in your mouth, and pretend you are barfing when someone walks by. (It's really funny when you chew up some Snickers for this.) 8. Get an "Obsession, for men" cologne sample spray, and go up to people asking, "Do you have an obsession for men? I was just wondering because I have an obsession for me. It's in my pants. Do you want me to spray you with it?" When they look at you funny, take out the cologne and say "What? It's just my obsession for men cologne. What were you thinking of?" (It doesn't work on the people that have the cologne.) 9. Walk behind someone and have an arguement with yourself. (It's even better if you talk in two different voices.) 10. Have a bottle of water and go up to people saying, "Thirsty?" (I got a total of 5 people to drink from my bottle.) 11. Have a newspaper or a book (or something like that) and hold it out to someone and ask, "Thirsty?" (Confusion is funny.) 12. Put a chunk of something sticky on your hand, and go up to people saying, "Hey, how're you doing?" and try to shake their hand. (Some people actually don't notice huge sticky brown things sticking to your hand.) 13. Jump kick a wall and look at someone and say, "Please don't do that." (It works with trees too.) 14. Go up to someone and say in a very low voice, "Death by catapult." (There is also, death by spatula, death by rug burn, death by malapropism, or any other weird random way of death.) 15. Get people to join you in your strange adventures. (Twice the people = twice the fun.) Be careful about the people you do these things to. Have fun. :-D

1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOSE!" 2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure you clothes get all wet & soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed all over. 3. Ask Scottie to beam you up. 4. Enter the stall, undress and then re-dress up as Superman. Leap out of the stall, vengefully vow to stop Lex Luthor's evil plot, then run full force into the wall. Stand up, shake your head, and proceed to take your shower. 5. Bring a bottle of fake blood or ketchup into the shower with you. Exclaim "Ow, you know, it really hurts when you pop one of those." Then let the blood/ketchup seep down the drain for all to see. 6. Look over the edge to the person showering next to you, giggle, and then return to your side, whistling the tune "It's a Small World After All." 7. Bring in a rubber chicken. Get it all soapy, then toss in into the next stall. Demand that the person in that stall returns it to you, or you will cast a voodoo curse on them. The next day, hang the chicken from the bathroom lighting fixtures by a noose and stick numerous pins and forks in it. 8. Have a seizure. Bang against the walls of the stall really hard. Try to knock them down. If anyone later asks if you are okay, just say that you had some Mexican Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting negatively with your stomach. 9. Bring a chunk of sodium metal. Leave it in the stall for the next person showering. 10. Bring a balloon into the shower. Make the balloon squeak for the duration of your bathing experience. Then pop it, and fall to the ground. 11. Hang up the names of different farm animals in the stalls. Have everyone entering the stalls join you in a rendition of "Old McDonald Had A Farm", making the sound of their animal in the stall. 12. Take your shower like normal, and then begin screaming that the Communists are taking over. Bang battle sounds, including bombs, bazookas, and tanks. Towards the end, wearily declared victory. Leave wounded. 13. Blow bubbles. Exclaim that you are dissolving. 14. As you are bathing exclaim you never knew you had a growth. 15. Coat the floor in a fine layer of quick-drying cement.

162 = worst score in golf.

16 more white keys than black keys on a piano.

THINGS TO DO AT A BORING MOVIE: 1. Wear a top hat and make sure you sit in front of kids. 2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" 3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. 4. Clap when the good guy gets killed. 5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..." 6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juicy Fruits for your asthma. 7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" 8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devoius, say, "Watch out!" 9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. 10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding. 11. Yell out what is going to happen. 12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling. 13. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Ha ha ha" and run away. 14. Yell, "Fire" and moon the people coming through the exit. 15. When people sit next to you star crying and scream "NOOOOO! You killed *insert random name here*!!!" and don't stop yelling "MURDERER!" until they move. 16. Yell out loud, "Stop molesting me"

1. San Diego police department, how may we help you? 2. Hi! Would you like to buy a new sofa, fridge or car? What about a vacuum? 3. Hello earthling. I am an alien. You may not know this, but right now, I am having sex with your ear. 4. Let your child answer the phone and tell them to say this: "Will you be my friend?" 5. Burp into the phone. 6. Fart into the phone. 7. Yes, I'd like to order one large mushroom pizza, and cheese sticks... 8. Hello, the president is not in his office at this moment, this is his secretary, can I take a message? 9. Saddam Hussein's headquarters. May I ask why you are calling? 10. Konnichiwa. Aji tunti wahika nu popo bwah? Bunwaf huji toe... (you get the point.) 11. Nobody's home! (hang up) 12. Push random buttons on the phone and make music with the beeps, don't stop until they hang up. 13. Be a pest, say "Why are you trying to sell me stuff?" listen to their response. Say "huh?" listen to what they say, then say "Um... what?" etc. 14. Hi this is Michael Jackson's phone-picker-upper, he's busy, please call back though... 15. Tell them to spell ICUP. Laugh when they say "I see you pee." 16. Tell them you need help, for them to send you some medication or something because you're sitting on the toilet constipated. 17. Say "Seven days..." then hang up. (like in "The Ring")

Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills? A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

19 Ways To Annoy/Confuse Santa Claus ---------------------------------------------------------- 1.) Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2.) While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3.) Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. 4.) While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. 5.) Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit! 6.) Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa." 7.) Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home. 8.) While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off. 9.) Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. 10.) Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa." 11.) Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed and when Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime." 12.) Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections. 13.) While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire. 14.) Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun. 15.) Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house. 16.) Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear. 17.) Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill. 18.) Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue. 19.) Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."