HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must have been given your share! HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend! HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out! SHE: Okay, get out! HE: I think I could make you very happy SHE: Why? Are you leaving? HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me? SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! HE: Can I have your name? SHE: Why, don't you already have one? HE: Shall we go and see a film? SHE: I've already seen it! HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together? SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck! HE: Where have you been all my life? SHE: Hiding from you. HE: Haven't I seen you some place before? SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there any more. HE: Is this seat empty? SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down

You're so fat, when you sit around the house, you really sit around the house.

You'll never guess what just happened! I just got arrested for punching a black woman. It wasn't my fault it was my mom's. We were in Home Depot when she told me to go find a Black & Decker.

A girl named Zoey goes up to an artist and asks him to paint a picture of her face. "But Miss Zoey, if I paint a picture of your face then I can never be an artist again." "Why?" she asked. "Because if I look at your face too long, I will go blind."

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.

You have a face like a baby, with a brain to match. * Credited to my friend fqzeng.

You're so ugly that you scared away a man-eating shark!

A boy walked up to a man and asked, "Hey mister, wanna donate to the WE NEED HELP children's fund?" the man said, "No, but I will donate a pack of listerine bottles because I hope all of the kids' breath don't smell as bad as yours!" (real life situation)

why are black people so good at basket ball? because they can Run, shoot and steal.