Help reduce air pollution, stop breathing

You want me to write a joke!?!? The world is being attacked by aliens! AWWWWW! A warning; they have huge, hairy jaws and beady little eyes and long mangy hair and a huge nose and foul breath and and... oops. That's just you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Yo momma is ugly, And she looks just like you.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.

All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

USA:What's wrong world? World:(crying and sniffling) My kitty died! USA: That's unfortunate. Here's a couple hundred billion dollars my hardworking citizens paid. I was gonna spend it on education and defence and whatnot, but you need it more. World:(takes the money) Cheapass! (spits in USA's face)

This joke may seem racist to some. I just wanted to warn you of this before you read it. Sally - Where does a baby go after he or she has passed away? Joe - I don't know. Sally - To heaven. What does the baby get after he or she arrives in heaven? Joe - I don't know. Sally - Wings. What is the baby called? Joe - I don't know. Sally - An Angel. Where does a black baby go after he or she has passed away? Joe - I don't know. Sally - To heaven. What does the baby get after he or she arrives in heaven? Joe - I don't know. Sally - Wings. What is the baby called? Joe - A bat!

Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.