A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thinks a little and says, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said." Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed. The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now." "Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?" The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

Attorney General Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.After the typical civics presentation, he announced, "All right, boys andgirls, you can ask me questions now."A little boy named Bobby raised his hand and said, "Mr. Ashcroft, I havethree questions. First, how did Bush win the election with fewer votes thanGore? Second, why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans'civil liberties? And third, why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"Just then the bell sounded and all the kids ran out to the playground.After lunch the kids were back in class and Attorney General Ashcroft said,"I'm sorry we were interrupted by the bell. Now, you can ask me questions."A little girl raised her hand and said, "Mr. Ashcroft, I have fivequestions. First, how did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?Second, why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civilliberties? Third, why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet? Fourth,why did the bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, where's Bobby?"

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."The man consulted his portable GPS and Replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."I am," replied the man. "How did you know?""Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost.. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat.""I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?""Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the sameposition you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's MY fault."

A young lady goes to a new doctor for an examination, and he discovers that she has crabs. He thinks to himself ,"How am I going to her that she has crabs?"After the exam he tells her to get dressed and meet him back in his office. Once there he proceeds to tell her that she has a very unusual condition. She is quite concerned and asks him what it is. He responds that she is suffering from Nixon's Disease.She says, "What?"He again responds, "Nixon's Disease."She says, "Level with me, Doc, what does it mean?"He responds, "Well Miss Jones, to put it very bluntly, you've got bugs in your oval orifice."

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal. That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

Bill and Hilary Clinton were the guests of honor at the World Marching Girl and Drum Majorette Championships in New York.Hilary noticed that Bill had a smile on his face, so she said, " Well honey, what are you smiling at?"Bill replied, "Honey, if I had another inch, I'd be pretty popular amongst them Marching Girls."A big smile came across Hilary's face. Bill said, "What are you smiling about?"Hilary replied, "Bill, if you had one inch less, you'd be out there marching with them."

Bill and Hillary Clinton went out to dinner and when the waiter came to take their order, he asked Bill how he wanted his steak, she replied, "medium." Then the waiter said, "how about your vegetable?" Bill replied, "Oh, she can order for herself."

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion. Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered something in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."