The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard."WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:"I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage.""No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.""Done" says the Wizard."Who comes next before the Great Wizard?"Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that Ineed a heart.""I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done."Then there is a great silence.Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?"And Willie replies - "Is Dorothy around?"

The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row just above the dugout at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with SecretService agents. One of them leans over and whispers something in thePresident's ear.President Clinton pauses, then grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neckand heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of thedug out, kicking and screaming obscenities all the way down, and aftershe lands, the President bows to the crowd, and shakes hands and "highfive's" everyone near him.The same Secret Service agent again leans over and whispers, "No Mr.President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH."

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene inWashington, DC this Christmas. This isn't for any religious reason,they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin inthe Nation's capitol. There was no problem however finding enoughasses to fill the stable.

To the citizens of the United States of America: Following your failure to elect anybody, either a half decent candidate or a B-movie actor as President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following acts:

Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd, shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily. Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars. The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd, shaking hands, kissing babies, etc. "That man's persistence yonder," observed one of the regulars, "sure makes it easy to know who to vote for." "Yep," another regular agreed. "Sure can't see myself casting a vote for a man who hasn't the good sense to come in out of the rain."

Two friends are discussing politics on Election Day, each trying to no avail to convince the other to switch sides. Finally, one says to the other: ``Look, it's clear that we are unalterably opposed on every political issue. Our votes will surely cancel out. Why not save ourselves some time and both agree to not vote today?'' The other agrees enthusiastically and they part. Shortly after that, a friend of the first one who had heard the conversation says, ``That was a sporting offer you made.'' ``Not really,`` says the second. ``This is the third time I've done this today``.

Two terrorists are chatting. One of them opens his wallet and flips through pictures. "you see, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too." The second terrorist says, gently,"Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"

Well dere once was a story 'bout a man named Bill; Da poor president couldn't keep his willie still; Den one day he was workin' at his desk, When in walks Monica and shows da boy her chest... Boobs, that is. Two of 'em. Bodacious ta ta's. Well da next thing ya know, Monica is on her knees, Mouth open wide and as happy as you please; Bill sez, "oh yeah now-don't say a thing," "If you do a good job then we'll have a little fling." Blow job, that is. Phalli osculation. Well, Bill lost his load and it fell upon her dress, He said, "Clean it up, 'cuz you really are a mess, And you're invited here to dis fine locality, To have a heapin' helpin' of little Willie C." Da wiener, that is. Da presidential staff. So week after week, Monica is on her knees Keepin' Willie and his Wiener just as happy as you please, But then she figured out dat the fling had gone too far, And she blabbed it all to Linda Tripp who blabbed it all to Starr. Bad girl, that is. Cigars. Bodacious ta ta's. Well it weren't too long till we all knew the score, 'bout da stuff dat went down behind da oval office door; Da country's in da toilet and da people cry, "No More" But if we oust da cheatin' jerk, den we gotta live with Gore. Boob, that is. Great big one. Head stuck up his rear. So now ya know da story 'bout Bill our president, Wonderin' if dis fling's gonna cost him every cent; So da moral of da story is to do it quietly, And stay outta trouble with dat bitch named Hillary.

WE, the people of Florida, are holding this election hostage. When YOU promise to stop sending us YOUR old people, we will release YOUR election.

What do George Bush, Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein have in common? English is their second language.