Plez compleet this paper, best ya can. Last name: ________________ First name:[_] Billy-Bob [_] Billy-Joe [_] Billy-Ray [_] Billy-Jack[_] Bubba Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation:[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic[_] Janitor [_] Still Operator[_] Un-employed Spouse's Name: ______________________________2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________Lover's Name: _______________________________2nd Lover's Name: ____________________________ Relationship with spouse:[_] Sister[_] Aunt[_] Mother [_] Cousin [_] Daughter[_] Pet Number of children living in household: ___Number of children living in shed: ___Number of children that are yours: ___ Mama's Name: ____________________Daddy's Name: ____________________ Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)If you obtained a higher education what was yourmajor?[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? Vehicles you own and where you keep them:___ Total number of vehicles you own___ Number of vehicles that still crank___ Number of vehicles in front yard___ Number of vehicles in back yard___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No) Firearms you own and where you keep them:____ truck ____ kitchen____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse____ shed ____ pawnshop Model and year of your pickup: 194_ 195_ 196_ 197_ Do you have a gun rack?[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain: Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest[_] Guns and Ammo [_] Bassmasters ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO___ Number of times you've seen Elvis___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe:[_] Weekly[_] Monthly[_] Not Applicable How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___Color of teeth:[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow[_] Brown [_] Black[_] N/A Brand of chewing tobacco or snuff you prefer:[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal[_] Levi-Garrett [_] Copenhagen [_] Days Work [_] Garrett Sweet Snuff[_] Cannon Ball How far is your home from a paved road?[_] 1 mile[_] 2 miles[_] don't know

Shortly after Bill Gates was killed in a freak accident, he found himself being sized up by Saint Peter. "Bill, this is a tough call. You've made great technological advancements with Microsoft, but you've also given us Windows 95. I think I'm going to let you choose between Heaven and Hell." "That sounds fair," Gates replied. "May I have a look at hell first?" And so first Saint Peter took him to Hell. "This is hell? Wow, look at all those gorgeous women, the ones that laughed when I asked them out on dates in high school. And look at those mansions!" exclaimed Bill. "And see all those coders? They work 24 hours a day for free just because they really love you, Bill, and live only to please you." "Shazam, this is all virtual, isn't it, Saint Peter?" "Yep. With no bugs, Bill." "If this is hell, what can heaven be like?" (Saint Peter makes sweeping gesture) "Like this!" "People wearing robes and playing harps while they sit on clouds? What a boring cliche. I'll take Hell!" replies, Gates. And so two weeks later, St Peter paid a little visit. "Hey what the hell's going on? It's nearly 200 degrees and the air is terrible. There's no food or drink. Goblins jab me in the ribs constantly. I'm crawling with vermin and weak with disease. They play the Beastie Boys at all hours, for all eternity. There are NO COMPUTERS! Where are the women, the program slaves, the virtual wonders? Where is the splendid hell you promised me?" cries Gates. "Oh that, that was just a demo..."

The day care bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. 15 minutes later she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about 8 times. After the 9th time he asks the lady why they do not eat the almonds themselves. She replied that it is not possible because of their old teeth. They can not chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks, puzzled. Where upon the lady answers, "We just love to lick the chocolate around them".

The Jones's were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to...""Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in."Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.""That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?""Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!""Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.""Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.""My, that's a lot of. . . " gasped Mrs. Jones."Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.""Don't I know it," Mrs. Jones said quietly.The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.""Oh my God!!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief."And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.""She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Jones."Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.""Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement."Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."Mrs. Jones leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your ...equipment?""That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.""Tripod?""Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long.""Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"

There are many different pickup lines: 1. Hi, i lost my phone number, can i borrow yours? 2. Hi im new in town, can you give me directions to your house? 3. Hi im a matress sampler, can i test yours? 4. Hi, do you believe in love at first sight or should i walk by again? 5. Hi im a great person. want to screw? 6. Hi, im a game show host. if you're good in bed i have to give you $10,000. 7. Hi, im a doctor, need a physical? 8. Hi, i lost my virginity, can you help me find it? 9. can i call the police? you've stolen my heart. 10. (grabbing victims' body part) HELP! I CANT SEE ANYTHING!! 11. You theif! You've stolen my heart and you wont give it back. 12. Is it hot in here or is it just you? (for women to mem)13. I'm so funny, i'll make you laugh LONG and HARD! 14. I'm so big you wont know what went into you. 15. Wanna go out back? I have something to show you.

There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest and they're running and running and they stop because a ginnie appears. The ginnie says " if you two stop fighting and chasing each other i'll give you each three wishes"They agree. The bear wishes first for the biggest "package" of all the bears in the whole forest.And his wish comes true. The rabbit then wishes for an unlimited supply of carrots. His wish is granted too. The bear's second wish is that all the bears in the forest , except him, are female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. The bear's last wish is that all the bears fall madly in love with him. The rabbit's final wish is that the bear becomes gay, and the rabbit jumps on his motorcycle and rides away.

Three guys, a Canadian, Bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are given one wish each by an Arabian genie.The Canadian says ", My family has been in farming for ten generations; I wish for all Canadian land to be fertile."POOF he gets his wish.Bin Laden says ", I love the land I live in and I don't want any horrors to enter, I wish for a wall to be built around Afghanistan."POOF he gets his wish.Uncle Sam says ", tell me more about this wall.""Well, it is ten feet thick, 4,000 feet high and inpenetrable.""Fill it with water."

Three guys work on a constuction site. One is white, one is black and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch and the white man opens his lunchbag and sighs deeply, saying, ''If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building.'' The black guy opens up his lunch, glares and says '' If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going with you." The Polish man opens his lunch, pulls out another ham sandwich, and says ''I'm with you guys.'' The next day the lunch bell rings.The white man opens his lunch. He says, ''Turkey sandwich. I love my wife.'' The black guy opens his lunch. He says, ''Chicken sandwich. I love my wife. The Polish man opened his lunchbox, looked stricken, and said '' See ya guys.'' With that, he jumped off the building. The black guy says '' I feel sorry for him. ''The white man replies, ''Why?'' The black guy said, ''Because he packs his own lunch."

Three men are involved in a car crash on December 24th and arrive at the pearly gates where they are met by Saint Peter who tells them that because it is Christmas eve they must go back to the car and find something related to Christmas and give it to him in order to enter heaven. The first man goes back, looks under the front seat, finds a Christmas card and rushes back to Saint Peter and is promply let in. The second man looks in the trunk and finds some miseltoe and rushes back to Saint Peter and is also let in. The third man was having no luck finding anything in the car and starts to panic knowing that he will never enter heaven if he dosen't come up with something associated with Christmas. He had about given up when he looks into the glove compartment where he finds a pair of sexy underpants...it is almost midnight, so he figures he has nothing to lose and quickly sprints off. He runs up to golden gates and hands the panties to Saint Peter...the perplexed saint holds them gingerly between finger and thumb and says "what do these have to do with Christmas ?" the man sheepishly says "they're Carols?"

Two beautiful statues in a park, facing each other across the grass, one of a young girl and the other of a young man, looking towards each other like young lovers. These statues gave so much pleasure to people visiting the park that God looked down and decided to reward them with life for 30 minutes, on a Sunday when the park was closed to the public. Immediately when they came alive, they ran together into the bushes and could be heard giggling and cooing with pleasure and the bushes were shaking. After 15 minutes they came out and realised that they still had 15 minutes more life to live. "What shall we do now then" said the boy statue. "Let's do the same thing again" she replied. "Okay", said the boy statue, "but this time, you hold the pigeons down while I poop on them".