One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. The car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it.

I used facebook for a few days and got addicted to it. I've been studying since I was 6. Why the hell am I not addicted to it?

An engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were on their way to a tech conference on the other side of the mountains. Half way down the other side, the brakes gave out, and the engineer steered for all his life to keep the car from going clean off the edge. It was at the last second, skidding sideways towards doom, that the car finally stopped. One tire dropped over the edge. The three sprang from the car, shaking and panting. The engineer was the first to speak. "We could have been killed! I would like to get under the car and see just what happened to those brakes. Something has to be fixed." The systems analyst agreed. "Yes, but I'd like to see the design blueprints. We could fix the problem with these cars with a little research." The programmer was scratching his head. "I wonder if that's repeatable."

A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer. The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out. The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. She admits she saw it. They ask her why she didn't put it out. She replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."

A special kind of firework with very bright colors and little smoke was accidentally discovered when a man tried to make the atomic bomb safer. That defeats the original purpose.

% cat "food in cans" cat: can't open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman. % rm God rm: God nonexistent % ar t God ar: God does not exist] % ar r God ar: creating God % "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence? Unmatched ". % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ]. % ^How did the sex change operation go? ^ Modifier failed. % If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have? Too many ('s. % make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. > % sleep with me bad character % got a light? No match. % man: why did you get a divorce? man:: Too many arguments. % !:say, what is saccharine? Bad substitute. % %blow %blow: No such job. The following are not csh but sh : $ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense no sense in pretending! $ drink

How do you know that you're a computer geek? You catch a computer virus and take a virus scanning pill every week.

Google Products We'll Never See 11. Google Hitman Assistant - Find, schedule, and collect on all your assassinations with this suite of products. 10. Googlearchy - Tired of democracy? Install the government that everyone loves without annoying pop-up ads. 9. Google Smite - An extension of Google Earth uses laser beams attached to the satellites to exact revenge or just have some fun for paid subscribers. 8. Google Carnage - Use real-time satellite images to zoom in and see car, train, or plane crashes and other disasters. 7. Google Ogle - The hottest unsecured webcams on the Internet. 6. Googlebator - Used with Google Ogle, it's our first attempt at hardware. 5. Google Alibi - Paid service that will provide you with a credible account for your whereabouts. 4. Google Telegraph - Dash-Dot, Dash-Dash-Dash, Dash. 3. Google Gaggle - The only search engine for geese. 2. Google Invading Force - Some pesky third world country got you down? Send in the troops with Google's new troop management tool. 1. Gogoel - Search, for dyslexics.

This was set up by Google as a joke. Enjoy! Please do the following: 1. Open Google. 2. Type, "french military victories". 3. Click: I'm Feeling Lucky. 4. Enjoy!