Flight Training JournalWeek 1Monday: RainTuesday: RainWednesday: No rain; no visibility either.Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't know enough to take instructor to lunch.Friday: Fly! Do first stall - and second stall during same maneuver. Cover instructor with lunch. Week 2Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off plexiglass with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch.Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle "THAT BIG KNOB THING." Also hates when I call instruments "GADGETS"Wednesday: Radios won't pick up radio stations, so I turned them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something.Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record -- my first compliment.Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.Week 3Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her "BABE". Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight.Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him "BABE", too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was to loud.Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there is a slight bend in mine. Aha--progress!Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancé's house as point again.Friday: Did pattern work. Instructor said that if downwind, base and final formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!Week 4Monday: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on the taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we'll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned gray at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reached altitude next time. Three Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tire arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I'm sure my instructor is going gray.Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked why. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school.Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I have never seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before.

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their wedding night with the young man's parents.In the morning the mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast, went to the bottom of the stairs and called for them to come down for breakfast.After a long wait the family ate without the newlyweds. The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?" The grooms young brother said, "Mommy, I think -- " "Oh shut up, I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the younger brother.At lunch time the mother again prepared a wonderful meal and again called the young couple to eat. After another long wait the family proceeded to eat, and after the meal was completed the mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?" Once again the younger brother started to speak, but was interrupted by the mother.At dinner time once again the mother cooked a very elaborate meal, had the table set perfect and called the newlyweds to join the family for dinner. After another long wait the mother once again questioned why they had not come downstairs all day. The young lad once again said, "Mommy I think -- " "Well what is it that you think?" asked the mother rather irritated. "I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model plane glue instead."

John Kerry visits a primary school and sits in on one of the classes, which is in the middle of a discussion of words and their meaning. The teacher asks Mr. Kerry if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy". So, the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy. "That's wrong," Kerry says. "That would be considered an accident." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "You are completely incorrect" says the Senator. "That would be what we would consider a great loss". The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Kerry searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a plane carrying Senator John Kerry was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy". "Fantastic !" exclaims Kerry. "You are absolutely right. Can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it sure as heck wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident!"

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt... one button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. She gasps... He whispers... "Iron this, and get me something to eat."

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. Theturbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing isstruck by lightning.One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the frontof the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails.Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes onearth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like awoman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make mefeel like a WOMAN??"For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of theplane.Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feellike a woman," he says.He's gorgeous! Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes,he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one buttonat a time.No one moves.The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange manapproaches.He removes his shirt.Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the armholding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."

On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Gatwick Airport. My wife headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners' line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit. "Pleasure," I replied. "I'm on my honeymoon." The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. "That's very interesting, sir," he said as he stamped my passport. "Most men bring their wives with them."

Oncer there was three men in an airplaine (White, Chinese, and Mexican) and were throwing out the door things that they had in adbundence in their countries. The Chinese opened the door of the plane and threw an cabbage. Later the mexican stepped up and threw an orange and finally the white man stepped up and threw a grenade.A couple of minutes later they got off the palne and started walking down the street when the suddenly saw a homeless man cursing . One of the men asked him "Whats wrong?" The homeless man answered "God damned me. I asked him to feed me and all he sent me from heaven was a misserable cabbage. The men kept walking and a few blocks further down the street they came accross another homeless man who was weeping. One of the men approached the second homeless man and asked him. "Are you ok? What's wrong?" The homeless man looked at at him and said "I asked God to feed me with at least a few crumbs of bread and he sent me a whole orange!" The men continued walking even further down the street when suddenly they came accross a 13 year old boy who was laughing uncontrollably. One of the men asked him "Young man? May I asked what is so funny?" The young boy kept laughing and in the first gasp of air he managed to breath he said "SEE THAT HOUSE BEHIND ME? I FARTED SO LOUD IT BLEW UP!!!!"

Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms--both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die. . ."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."