A blonde motorist was two hours from Sydney when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the blonde's car and asked, "Are you going to Sydney?""Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?""Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be delivered to Taronga Park Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for your trouble.""I'd be happy to," said the blonde.So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of Sydney when suddenly he was horrified. There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde."What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.""Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but just as we arrived it looked like it was going to rain so we decided to see a movie instead."

A blonde received a certificate for helicopter flying lessons for her birthday. One day she was bored and decided to take advantage of the opportunity. When she arrived at the place, the man said "Well, there's only one helicopter here, and it only has one seat, if I show you how to do it, do you mind going up solo?" "Oh of course! I can handle it" the blonde replied. Well, he showed her the inner-workings of the helicopter and sent her on her way, only asking that she radio in every 400ft. just to make sure everything was going smoothly. at 400ft, she radioed in saying "wow! this is so much fun!" At 800 ft. She radioed in again saying "this is pretty easy, I can do this all day!" At 1200 ft. She didnt. he waited and waited, and didn't hear from the blonde! seconds later he heard a crash in the field next to the station. He ran out to see what happened, the blonde crashed! Luckily she survived, "what happened?" he exclaimed. "Well, I was doing fine, but, I started to get cold, so I just turned off the big fan!"

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she's angry! She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!" "Shut up," she says, "You're next."

A blonde walking by the river came across another blonde directly across from her. The first blonde waved to the other and said "hey, how do i get to the other side"? The other blonde answered "You're already on the other side".

A blonde walks into an appliance store and starts to look around. She then asks the clerk,"Can I have that television set over there." The clerk looks at her and says no. This confuses her. She then asks why? The Clerk responds,"Because you are a blonde." The blonde woman walks out with an idea on how to get that television. She then returns with a wig full of red hair. She asks the clerk again for the television set. He looks at her suspiciously and replies,"No because I told you I don't sell them to blondes." She then says,"I am not a blonde I am a redhead." The clerk then said,"I know your the same women because that is no television thats a microwave."

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing."But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last month". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time". "Sure", the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow"The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant", the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms"."No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it says so here: To apply, push up bottom".

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde." The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

A Blonde was driving down the highway and she cuts off a Truck. The Driver motions for the Blonde to pull over. The blonde pulls over and the truck driver draws a circle on the road next to the car. He says "Don't leave this circle" and cuts her tires. He comes back and the Blonde is giggling. He says"Oh you think thats funny!" and rips her convertable top. He comes back and the blonde is laughing. The driver gets mad and lights her car on fire. The driver comes back and the blonde is rolling on the floor laughing. He asks " What is so funny!" She says "I stepped out of the circle 9 times!"

A blonde was sick and tired of hearing jokes about being dumb. She decided to dye her hair black and set out to prove to the world just how wrong they were about blondes. She drove out of the city and into the country where there were many sheep farms. She spotted a sheep farmer, stopped her car and said, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your field, will you give me a sheep?" He said "Sure!" She counted and said "131." The farmer said, "That's Right! Go ahead and get a sheep." The blonde went and got her sheep. Then, the farmer said, "If I tell you what color your hair really is, can I have it back?" and she said, "Yes." "Blonde. Now give me back my dog.".

A blonde wearing headphones walks into a store and on the window it said 'No Headphones' so the clerk says, "I'm afraid I'll have to make you take off those headphones."The blonde paid no attention to the clerk, so he said louder "If you don't take off those headphones I will!".The blonde still paid no attention, so the clerk yanked the headphones off of her.Then she fainted all of a sudden.The clerk put on the headphones to see what she was listening to.All he heard was "Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!"