A not necessarily well-prepared college student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write?" He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly scribbled his definitive answer. 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes. He received an A.

A Harvard English 101 class was asked to write a CONCISE essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The only "A+" in the class read: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

A few weeks ago, my Health teacher set up a competition, saying the winning group would win an extra credit point. We were separated into five groups; water, electricity, food, paper, and gas. Each group had to come up with at least twenty ways to preserve their element. The group that came up with the most solutions would win the extra credit point. Near the end of the of the class, the teacher had reported that there were two winning teams; electricity, and gas. They had tied equally with very good responses. The teacher then said that both of those teams would need to come up with a final way to preserve their element, and whoever had the best one, would be determined the winner. "I'll pick the best one tomorrow," she said. "I'll need both teams to speak with me. Alright, who has gas?" Several students shot their hands up in the air before they realized exactly what she had said. One was laughing so hard that tears rolled down her face. -Member of the electricity group

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do *anything* to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she repeats, "...I would do...*anything*." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "*Anything*." His voice softens. "*Anything*??" "*Anything*." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...*study*?"

1 Good Grades 2 Social life 3 Adequate Sleep. Pick Two Welcome to College...

Subject: Students' rights during examinations Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, no. Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale". Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

Students... Take Note: Knowledge is power ... But power corrupts ... And corruption is a crime ... And crime doesn't pay ... So if you keep on studying you'll go broke!

Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes, and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cuts one of its leg. Then he said "Walk". The cockroach moves forward. Then Banta cut its second leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to moves forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and said "Walk". The poor cockroach could not move and lay helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches. He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Banta is jubilant. "Now," says Banta "My thesis is ready!" and proceeds to write it: "When you cut four legs of a cockroach, it becomes deaf."

That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man - as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline. FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule: MEN 101 Combating Stupidity MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas Winter Schedule: MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 a.m. MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers Spring Schedule: MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence MEN 122 YOU: the Weaker Sex ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers SECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule: SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down Elective (See Electives Below) Winter Schedule: MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise or Blair Underwood MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important - 101 Spring Schedule: MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only) MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not NECESSARY MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important - 201 Course Electives: EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly MEN 231 Mothers-in-law MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening MEN 233 Just Say, "Yes, Dear" ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her