Read each of the following lines out loud. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is an old cat This is idiot cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now, go back and read the THIRD word in each line, starting at the top.

Remembering the Quips of Groucho Marx...Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?Room service? Send up a larger room.Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you... He really is an idiot.I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

The Perfect Employee?1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be11 dispensed with. Consequently, I recommend that Bob be12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be13 executed as soon as possible.Addendum:That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

There are three men in the woods. they are hunter, trapper, and stupid guy. Hunter goes out and comes back an hour later with a bear. Trapper asks "how did you get that?" Hunter says me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find bear, me shoot bear, bear stop." Trapper goes out and comes back an hour later with a deer. Stupid guy asks "how did you get that?" Trapper says" me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find deer, me shoot dear, dear stop." Stupid guy goes out and comes back two hours later bruised and nearly dead with broken limbs. Hunter and trapper ask "What happened to you?" stupid guy says "me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find train, me shoot train, train don't stop."

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress". The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" He asked."No!" the director screamed, "You Idiot! you forgot the damn rose!"

There was this guy who worked with a help desk for a big Broadcasting company. One day, this lady called in because she didn't know why her computer wouldn't come on.He then asked her, "Did you plug it in?" She says "Yes." He then asked her, "Did you turn in on?" She said "Yes. What do you think I am? Some kind of idiot?"So, he goes and takes a look at her computer. She goes, "See? I plugged the computer into the surge protector."The guy goes, "Yea, but you plugged the surge protector into itself."

There were 3 friends stranded on an island. Exploring the island, the 3 men found a bottle so they opened it. A genie came out, and she said that she would grant them 3 wishes. The first man said, "I wish I was with my family" and *poof* he was with his family. The second guy said "I wish I was in a bar with my friends" and *poof* he was gone. The third guy was feeling bad and the genie asked, "What's wrong?" "The man said, I'm lonely I wish my friends were here." Poof, his two friends were back on the island.

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now, "says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper. "Are you blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now." So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign. Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "Jasper," he says, "why did you give me the okay sign?" "Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants now!"

Two guys were walkin' down a grassy road, houses to the left, houses to the right. Soon, they came across a strange lookin' pile o' somethin' on the ground. First dude: "Hey, I wonder what this is" Second dude: "It's smelly and awful" 1st: "It's brown and nasty" 2nd: "Why don't you taste it?" So the first dude sticked his finger in it, tasted it, and made a face. 1st: "Argh...I think it's dog poop" 2nd: "Well, at least we didn't step in it"

Two rednecks had just gone fishing and brought in the largest amount of fish they had ever seen. One said to the other, "Did you mark the place where the fishing was so good?""Yes, I put an X on the side of the boat. ""You idiot. That if we were gonna take a different boat next time?"