20 THINGS TO DO IN A DRIVE-THRU

23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Fridays.

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties, two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice...."How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

A company manager was told one day that he had to make one of his staff redundant. He decided that he could probably afford to get rid of either Jack or Jill as they performed similar roles. He decided that over the next few days he would see who was the better worker. Jack came in on time every day, worked hard, did a good job and left work late. Jill came in late, talked half the day, worked half-heartedly and left early. After a few days the boss called Jill into his office. Jill had come in late that morning and looked hungover. The boss said.. "This is difficult to say, Jill. I have had to make a decision as to whether to lay you or Jack off." "Well you had better jack off", said Jill, "because I have a headache."

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Green. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Green. "You're getting smarter already!"

A foreman had ten very lazy men working for him. One day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up." Nine hands went up. "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man. "Too much trouble," came the reply.

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page, trotted over to the manager, gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time it ran. By now, the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual". The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow."

A man sent his clothing out to the local laundry. When it came back there were still stains on his underwear. The next week he enclosed a note saying, "Use more soap on underwear." This went on for several weeks, with the underwear returning stained, and the man sending the note, "Use more soap on underwear." Finally the laundry came back with a note from the laundry man: "Use more paper on rear."

A man went into a shoe repair store in his hometown that he had not been in for almost twenty years. He found everything just the way he remembered it. He went up to the counter and asked the man about a pair of shoes that he had left there for heel repair 20 years ago. "One minute. I'll check." replied the man A few minutes later, the repair man came back. "Well?" asked the man "They'll be ready Tuesday."

AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second. Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization. Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.