What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? We taste like chicken!!

There lived a Chinese and an American in a hotel. One day, the Chinese felt thirsty, so he decided to get a drink of water. So he went to the public refrigerator, took a can of coke, and drank it. Then he wanted to go pee, so he peed in the can, closed the cap, put it back in the fridge, and hid in a corner. The American came a few minutes later. He took the can, took a sip, and then the Chinese man popped out from his hiding place and said: "Me Chinese, "Me play joke, "Me go pee-pee in your coke!" *SOCK*

Two friends were talking. The first one said to the other, "Hey, have you seen the movie, "Constipated" yet?" The other replied, "Of course not! It hasn't come out yet."

Cecil and Scott are two homosexuals living together. It was extremely hot one day and Cecil arrived home to find Scott with his ass in the freezer. "Scott! What are you doing with your ass in the freezer?" Scott replied, "It was so hot outside, I thought you'd like something cool to slip into!"

A friend of mine and his family were taking a trip to the mall. On the way, their 18 month old son had a massive blow out poopy diaper. In the mall parking lot, the diaper was changed and put in a Dillard's bag. Embarrassed by the incredibly bad smell, the couple decided to leave the bag on the hood of the car to be thrown in a dumpster as opposed to a mall trash can. A couple of hours later when the family was returning to the car, they saw an old, beat up pick-up stop at their car. A young man jumped out and hurriedly threw the Dillard's bag into the cab. He got back in and the pick up sped off with what he thought was a mighty haul.

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?" She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? A: A dead baby in a clown costume! Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off! Q: What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A: A baby with a punctured lung! Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? A: Fucked! Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? A: Nail its other hand to the floor! Q: What do you call a dead baby and 6 week old bread? A: A Big Mac! Q: How do you make a man pregnant? A: Stick a dead baby up his ass! Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: Depends how hard you throw them! Q: What crawls on the floor and can't fit in an elevator? A: A baby with a javelin through it's head! Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt! Q: What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts? A: You can't gargle gravel! Q: What gets louder as it gets smaller? A: A baby in a trash compactor! Q: What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree? A: One is legal to hit with an axe! Q: What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A: A baby with a black eye! Q: How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? A: With a blender! Q: How do you get them out again? A: With tortilla chips! Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? A: Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes! Q: What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire? A: A baby shot through a snowblower! Q: What's red, pink, yellow, and on the bottom of the pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties! Q: What's green, black, yellow, and on the bottom of the pool! A: That same baby 3 weeks later! Q: What's the difference between a Lambourgini and a pile of dead babies? A: I don't have a Lambourgini in my garage!

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him. She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose. The undertaker said, "But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time. The lady said, "Who's paying for this?" Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit. After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented the undertaker on the smooth and speedy service. She especially wanted to know how he'd been able to get her husband into a blue suit so fast. The funeral director said, "Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back room and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads!

Guy goes into a drug store and asks for deodorant. Assistant says, "Aerosol or ball-type?" to which he replies, "Neither, it's for under my arms."

Life is like a dick... when it gets hard fuck it!