IDEALISM:Happy Birthday.CAPITALISM:I shopped all day for your birthday.COMMUNISM:We only celebrate Lenin's birthday.CORPORATE AMERICA:Happy birthday. You're fired.AGNOSTICISM:I'm not sure if it's your birthday or not.ATHEISM:I can't believe it's your birthday.HINDUISM:Holy Cow!Is it your birthday?HINDUISM:Ever get that feeling you've been born before?TAOISM:It's everybody's birthday.BUDDHISM:If your birthday party was held in the forest and nobody came... would it make a sound?CATHOLICISM: Sorry, we need candles for votive purposes.CATHOLICISM:If your parents used birth control, you wouldn't even _have_ a birthday, so there!CATHOLICISM:It's your birthday but you don't deserve a cake or even this greeting card.EPISCOPALIANISM: Tasteful birthday to you! Care for some Dry Sack?LUTHERANISM:I take it on faith it's your birthday. So I don't need to send cards and gifts, right?EXISTENTIALISM:Your birthday means nothing to me.FUNDAMENTALISM: But when is your _spiritual_ birthday?SARCASM:You don't look half bad for someone twice your age.JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES:Knock! Knock!Happy Birthday!MORMONS:Which birthday are we talking about? the spirit world or the current one?QUAKERS:I am moved to wish you a peaceful birthday.UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALISTS:Have any kind of birthday you want.WICCANS:Have the Earth Mother of all birthdays!SATANIC CHURCH OF AMERICA:It's not my birthday, so screw off!GNOSTICS:It's your birthday, but don't tell anyone -- It's a secret!KABBALISTS:Another step on the tree of life? Geez, how many branches up are you?MASONS:I'll wish you a happy birthday, but first -- show me the sign.LEWIS CARROLL:A very happy unbirthday to you!(and you and you and you).