Teacher:Can anyone tell me what a shamrock is? Jimmy:It's a fake diamond,Miss. -------------------------------------------------------------- What's the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table. -------------------------------------------------------------- 'Why are you crying, Amanda?'asked the teacher. 'Cos Jenny's broken my new doll, Miss,' she cried. 'How did she do that?' 'I hit her on the head with it.' -------------------------------------------------------------- The night-school teacher asked one of his pupils when he had last sat an exam.'1945'said the lad. 'Good lord! That's more than 50 years ago.' 'No, Sir! An a hour and a half ago. It's quarter past nine now.' -------------------------------------------------------------- What is the most popular sentence at school? I don't know! -------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: 'Are you good at arithmetic?' Hal: 'Well,yes and no.' Teacher: 'What do you mean,yes and no?' Hal: 'Yes,I'm no good at arithmetic.' -------------------------------------------------------------- Science teacher: 'Lisa,can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity?' Lisa: 'Why,er...' Science teacher: 'Wire is correct.' -------------------------------------------------------------- When is a yellow school book not a yellow school book? When it is read! -------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: 'Eat up your roast beef, it's full of iron.' Pupil: 'No wonder it's so tough.' -------------------------------------------------------------- Why should a school not be near a chicken farm? To avoid the pupils overhearing fowl language. --------------------------------------------------------------